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2Oct/150

Letting go

A couple of months ago I took emotional stock and didn't quite recognize myzelf. I sort of skipped the whole emotional thing, you know, where the pregnant lady bursts out in tears? Didn't do that. But I was worried, all the time. Worried about giving birth, worried about riding my bicycle through Amsterdam and getting in an accident. Worried when Levi wasn't home, and wondering whether something had happened to him. I am not that girl!

Now, I think that was all a phase, very likely hormone induced (like everything these past months).

Since returning from our holiday in Spain, where I also took time off from the worries about being pregnant and becoming parents, and all the freaking lists of things we still had to organize (there's time! Really! Don't sweat it!), but especially since my maternity leave started, I have started to let go. No more worries. I am so relaxed, I have friends who think I am crazy.

With less than two weeks to go before my due date, Levi and I are visiting his parents in Belgium this weekend. A friend of mine, who just gave birth to her second son a few months ago, said: "Really?? You're going to Belgium?! What if the baby comes? She could be born on the side of the highway?!" But it's our first. It's not going to go that fast. If I do go into labour, I am just going to have Levi drive me back to Amsterdam to give birth. And besides, she's staying put for another two weeks or so, I'm convinced of it.

Also, I was planning on visiting the birthcenter at the hospital, but with every passing day it seems more unlikely that I will actually get around to doing that. The same friend said: "I wouldn't feel comfortable not having been. It's nice to know where to go when the moment is there." But most likely my OB will accompany me to the hospital at go-time. And, I figure if I walk into the hospital in labour, someone will point me in the right direction. I am pretty sure they won't let me have the baby in the hallway.

So... yeah. I've let go of all worries. I'm taking everything as it comes.

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